| I got this great question from a reader in a very | | | | this time that he is Mr. Right for you, but because |
| frustrated and negative place in her life. As it turns | | | | you gratify him in some way and re-inflate his ego |
| out, I believe this woman is stuck in the friend-zone | | | | when he is down. |
| with the man in question. Read on for more... | | | | Christian Carter talks about this in the Catch Him and |
| Hello Sarah, | | | | Keep Him eBook. He asks the question "Are you his |
| I signed up after hearing about you guys from a | | | | ‘Casual For Now' girl or are you ‘Relationship |
| friend. Here's my dilemma. It's pretty complex but I | | | | Material'?" (page 47). It seems to me that your "man" |
| will try to keep it short. | | | | is using you for immediate gratification, and whether |
| This man and I were seeing each other casually 3 | | | | that is physical, emotional, egotistical or intellectual it |
| years ago for 8 months. We even went on a | | | | does not matter. To a man, though, this casual, |
| vacation together. He would always bring up how I | | | | instant gratification relationship is TOTALLY different |
| probably HAVE to be with someone my own | | | | than the "relationship material" intimacy. It may seem |
| background and I would always say I do not. I really | | | | pretty cold and calculated to a woman, but for a |
| don't, it's not a must by my parents or anything like | | | | man, physical intimacy and emotional intimacy and |
| that..he just has that in his head! Since then, he has | | | | these kinds of "connections"" do NOT mean a |
| gotten back with his ex, and broke up. In between | | | | relationship to him. And the thing is, it is VERY difficult |
| we always remained friends and talked on regular | | | | for a woman to go (in a man's mind) from a casual |
| basis-strictly platonic. The great conversation, physical | | | | girl to relationship material. In other words, you have |
| attraction and chemistry is undeniable by both. He is | | | | to be girlfriend material from the beginning, (and |
| now with someone and told me how it is not | | | | NEVER do the "friends with benefits" angle, it never |
| working and how end is near. He also told me what it | | | | works) and unfortunately, this man is not looking at |
| is he is looking for and what kind of a person he | | | | you in that light. |
| wants to be with—basically he regurgitated | | | | So what CAN you do? Well, first off, scrap this guy. |
| everything I told him I'm looking for in life and a man | | | | You deserve better. Check out these pointers that |
| and said it back to me. I am really confused now | | | | will help you Catch Him and Keep Him for good! |
| because he is finally now talking like he is on the | | | | 1) NEVER EVER have physical relations with a casual |
| same page as me. He said he will break up with his | | | | date and expect him to become interested and get |
| girlfriend and if I'd like to grab a drink. I would love to | | | | into a relationship with you because of it. To men, |
| try a relationship with him...and I am not willing to | | | | the S word is not the pre-cursor to a relationship, it is |
| have a fling. Please help me better understand all this! | | | | simply an act and that's it. He's not going to develop |
| Thank you. | | | | attraction for you because of it. You have to go at it |
| Thank you for your question, I appreciate it, and I | | | | the other way around. |
| hope to be able to help you. | | | | 2) Remain a little "unavailable" to a man with whom |
| I have read your question several times, and as | | | | you WANT to develop attraction. Make sure he |
| difficult as it is to say – I think you need to | | | | knows you are busy, you are in demand and you are |
| move on from this man. | | | | not an easy catch. This will make you more |
| Being on the outside looking in, I see a definite | | | | attractive to him. |
| pattern here, and it does not take a dating advice | | | | 3) Be cool - in other words – men do not like |
| expert like Christian Carter to tell you that this man is | | | | women who are emotionally volatile, loud, demanding |
| using you as a fall-back. Let's take a look at why… | | | | and hard to please. Have FUN – go with the flow, |
| 1) He was qualifying your relationship from the | | | | be a leader but also be able to follow |
| beginning, making excuses for reasons that it would | | | | 4) Love YOURSELF – be comfortable in your |
| not work (saying you need to be with someone | | | | own skin, make eye contact, have a strong |
| from your own background/culture). | | | | handshake, sit up straight and embrace your pride |
| 2) He went into a relationship with another woman | | | | and dignity. Don't be worried and ashamed about |
| 3) That relationship goes bad, and he comes back to | | | | what you don't like about yourself, be proud of what |
| you | | | | you DO have and make the most of it. |
| 4) Instead of being with you, he again moves on to | | | | 5) Join interest groups and do activities that you love |
| someone else, and again, when that relationship goes | | | | – and make friends in these groups. Chances are |
| bad, he comes back to you. | | | | you will find a good man with similar interests, and |
| I know that is hard to hear, and I wish I could tell | | | | you will have a great base before you even start for |
| you that your relationship is going to be wonderful | | | | a relationship. |
| and healthy and full of love, but its not. He is | | | | There is so much more I could tell you, but these are |
| regurgitating your ideal man's characteristics in order | | | | some basic starting points from which you can begin |
| to get you to come back and be his band-aid again | | | | to meet the kind of man you want to meet. |
| for a while, not because he really believes after all | | | | I wish you the best, and be strong! |