| Did it take too long for him to pick the children up | | | | not mean that he is in love with her and wants to |
| from her house? Does she call too often and too | | | | rekindle the relationship with his ex-wife. Let him |
| late? Does he spend too much money and too much | | | | mourn his loss without feeling you are abandoning |
| time with her? This is typical of a recently divorced | | | | him. Don't tell him to let her go. This is something he |
| couple. If you really love him and feel that your | | | | must do when he is ready. This issue is out of your |
| relationship has potential, hide your jealousy and give | | | | realm. |
| him the space he desperately needs. Marriage takes | | | | Studies show that a typical couple needs 3-5 years |
| years to build and months to tear down. The passion, | | | | to heal after divorce before they are emotionally |
| pain and potential will not end over night. Let the | | | | ready for re-marriage. Of course this isn't true for |
| divorced couple set new boundaries and expectations | | | | every person, but realize that he must come to an |
| for their new separate relationship. They need to | | | | understanding and acceptance of his emotions of |
| address their new roles in each other's lives. Hint: Let | | | | separation that may be riddled with guilt. Let go of |
| him spend enough time with his ex and he will quickly | | | | him and move on, if you want and need more than |
| remember why he divorced her. Have faith in your | | | | he is capable of giving to your relationship. |
| love. | | | | Don't let him take his anger out on you |
| The National Center for Health statistics, 1995 reports | | | | You are not his punching bag. Yes, he has been |
| that although divorces occur to adults of every age, | | | | through a great deal of pain and he doesn't trust |
| they are more likely to occur in young adulthood than | | | | women, just yet. Sure, he apologized and said he will |
| middle age. The divorce rate for men was 32.8 per | | | | never say nor do those mean things again. Un Huh. If |
| 1000 married men in the 15-19 age group and 50.2 | | | | a person had a contagious physical disease such as |
| per 1000 for men in the 20-24 age group. Couples in | | | | measles, you would take precautions to protect |
| their first marriage, one in eight can expect a divorce | | | | yourself. Right? Well, think of emotional distress as a |
| after age 40 (Uhlerberg, Cooney & Boyd, 1990). | | | | spiritual illness, and do the same. Run for cover! |
| Based on these statistics there is a good chance that | | | | People tend to give what they themselves have - |
| you are or will be dating someone recently divorced. | | | | even if it's not on purpose. Divorce is a very painful |
| Don't underestimate the problems of adjustment for | | | | process and sometimes the person is naturally |
| these newly single men. The following dating tips will | | | | depressed and moody. Let them know you care, but |
| give you insight on how to have a stable relationship | | | | maintain boundaries to maintain your self-esteem and |
| even though your mate is recently divorced and | | | | self-respect. |
| emotionally unstable. | | | | Clarify your expectations for the relationship |
| Don't criticize his ex-wife | | | | You are a potential danger to your newly divorced |
| Don't criticize his ex-spouse, no matter how | | | | mate. Be careful with his emotions by being open and |
| tempting, let him talk and listen with an open mind. | | | | honest about your intentions and expectations for |
| Most likely, your mate is still hurting over the break | | | | the relationship. The wounds of his broken heart are |
| up of his marriage and is confused and angry. By | | | | fresh. He is open and vulnerable to further damage |
| criticizing his ex-spouse you are indirectly insulting him, | | | | by you. The divorce may have left him insecure and |
| because who and what she is - is partly a reflection | | | | uncertain about his masculinity and ability to nurture a |
| of who and what he is. When feeling attacked he will | | | | healthy relationship. He may need to know that he is |
| argue in her defense because in a sense he is | | | | still lovable and seeks refuge in your heart. Handle him |
| protecting himself. Without letting you know, he may | | | | with care, some broken hearts are fragile. |
| begin to feel that she wasn't so bad after all; | | | | Don't rush to meet his children |
| because you don't know what she was like when | | | | Do take your time before meeting his children and |
| she smiled. Yes, they are divorced for a reason, but | | | | ex-spouse. Your presence is crystal clear evidence |
| better yet; don't forget that they were once married | | | | that things are not the same and that the marriage is |
| for a reason; and at this moment, they were married | | | | indeed over. Often time's children are not emotionally |
| a lot longer than the two of you have been together. | | | | ready to see their parents with someone new. If you |
| Be careful, you only know one side of the story, | | | | meet them too soon, they may erroneously blame |
| keep quiet. No matter what he tells you, remember | | | | you for their parents break up. Get to know your |
| that his marriage to her was not all bad. Your mate | | | | mate much better before adding the additional strain |
| must re-define himself outside of the marriage. Let | | | | of trying to build a relationship with other hurting |
| him bare his soul to you and build a relationship based | | | | family members. Be patient and give the family time |
| on trust and understanding by remaining | | | | to adjust at least 6 months to 1 year. Forcing |
| non-judgmental and objective. | | | | togetherness may complicate your relationship with |
| Don't let him move in with you, before he is | | | | your mate. |
| emotionally ready to commit | | | | Do you really care for him or feel sorry for him? |
| You've been dating him for less than 18 months and | | | | Always be honest with yourself at all times and |
| he wants to move in with you. Don't let him. Make | | | | encourage him to do the same. If you see |
| sure he is ready for another meaningful relationship | | | | unappealing characteristics that you are not |
| and not a crutch for his broken heart and empty | | | | comfortable with, tell him immediately. Give him a fair |
| wallet. He may be the "one" for you, but remember: | | | | amount of time to address your concerns. Ask |
| If you combine all of the right ingredients together to | | | | yourself if his behavior is a part of his transition into |
| make the perfect cake, if you take it out of the | | | | being a single person, or is this just who he is. When |
| oven too soon, you will destroy it. Don't ruin a | | | | people are going through a traumatic change, they |
| potentially wonderful relationship by moving to quickly. | | | | may need time to re-balance their lives. Be gentle and |
| Give him space to get over his ex | | | | tell him to be true to his heart, even if it means |
| You are convinced that he still loves her. Even when | | | | leaving the relationship with you. Don't short change |
| he tells you how much he hates her, you can see it | | | | yourself, you deserve all of his heart, hopes and |
| in his eyes. Your mate is more susceptible to | | | | dreams, not left over feelings of guilt and fear of |
| sentimental feelings around the holidays, family | | | | starting over. Listen to your heart and move on if |
| gatherings and funerals. Reminiscing and feeling sad | | | | necessary. |
| over the good that was lost during the divorce does | | | | |