| Bringing up the topic of marriage is one of those | | | | first six months. No one likes to feel rushed. And |
| questions that women have grappled with for eons. | | | | honestly, you have to see if your romance has any |
| Almost every woman will think about at some point | | | | longevity before you start thinking about your MRS. |
| in her relationship. You might wonder, "How do I | | | | Some authorities say you need four seasons to |
| know if he is serious about me? I really want to get | | | | know if the person is right for you. |
| married. Should I bring it up and how?" | | | | However, I'm a firm believer in bringing this up right |
| I recently saw an article written by a male dating | | | | at the start when dating online. This is very different |
| coach who insists that women should never bring up | | | | than speaking to your man about when the two of |
| the subject of marriage. He claims that men are born | | | | you, might get hitched. State your relationship goal |
| with a natural aversion to commitment and if you | | | | right in your profile. Then there's no confusion about |
| don't want your man to run, steer clear of this topic. | | | | your dating agenda and what you are looking for. It |
| Oh come on! | | | | helps men to self-select whether or not they want |
| Let's get serious. If women didn't bring up the future, | | | | to meet you. And if the playboys choose to avoid |
| how many would ever get married? I had to bring it | | | | you - be grateful! |
| up in month seven of my relationship. We didn't get | | | | As to the how, here's what not to do. Foot |
| engaged until month 13, but what would have | | | | stomping, demanding or crying will not help your |
| happened if I kept my desire to myself and my | | | | cause. Find a way to ease into the conversation. This |
| mouth shut? I probably would have moved on to find | | | | way he'll know what's coming. What's so bad about |
| someone else and he wouldn't have known why. | | | | asking, "Do you think about a future together?" While |
| What's the point of that? | | | | there are some rare guys who will make a plan, buy |
| Now it's true that timing this topic is crucial and | | | | a ring and propose without any prompting, my bet is |
| somewhat dependent on your age. I met my | | | | that at least 75% of couples (or more) discuss |
| husband at 41 when I was on a mission to find my | | | | marriage before the man is ready and the ring is |
| life partner. I figured seven months was long enough | | | | purchased. |
| to spend without knowing where I was going. When | | | | Yes, I agree, you don't want to chase a great guy |
| I brought this up, did he have an immediate answer | | | | away. Unless he doesn't want what you want and |
| for me? Nope. It definitely caused a commotion. But, | | | | then you'd be better off knowing. That allows you to |
| looking back I would do it all again without changing a | | | | make plans accordingly, so you can either hang in and |
| thing. That's because this discussion laid the ground | | | | find out when he might be ready, or move on to find |
| work for future, highly productive discussions. | | | | someone who IS ready. Trust me on this one, at |
| With younger me in their 20's and 30's, they probably | | | | some point the vast majority of women bring up the |
| are somewhat less inclined to commit. On the other | | | | question of marriage. That's how it worked for me |
| hand, some men will never commit regardless of how | | | | and plenty of my coaching clients. |
| old they get. So why not bring it up? | | | | If you've been in a solid relationship for more than six |
| For women 35+, let me encourage you to BRING IT | | | | months and want to know your relationship future, |
| UP! You are better served by letting your man know | | | | gently ask and see what he says. You may have to |
| what you want or you could suffer the | | | | raise the topic several times. But you will likely get |
| consequences of hanging in limbo from now until who | | | | him to move in that direction, especially if he is |
| knows when. | | | | hesitant, but loves you. He'll want to keep you if he |
| Of course, WHEN and HOW you bring this up is | | | | loves you and if he walks away, well that tells you a |
| another story. As to the when, maybe not in the | | | | lot doesn't it? |