| Are you hungry for that lovin' feeling? But why is | | | | relationship feel exciting. |
| true love so elusive? Why does it so often lead to | | | | Over time, that is 2 months to 2 years, the effect |
| heartbreak? Check out these heartbreak clues and | | | | of this dopamine will dissipate, and a feeling of |
| see if any of these offer clues. Read on to see how | | | | "ho-hum" will set in, unless new ingredients, like trust |
| to get better results in love. | | | | and commitment, which are highly bonding dynamics, |
| Heartbreak clues: | | | | grow. |
| 1. You are miserable being single. | | | | Like salt and pepper, trust and commitment and |
| Wanting love is very different than being desperate | | | | other bonding dynamics will enhance the flavor of the |
| for love. Are you loveable, that is, can someone else | | | | attraction between you. Otherwise, your relationship |
| love you when you don't even like yourself? If you | | | | will begin to feel bland, or downright distasteful. |
| are looking for someone to rescue you from | | | | 5. Sabotaged by the past. |
| yourself, you will need to become your own hero | | | | You are still hurt from past relationships. The hurt |
| first.Loving and respecting yourself are very | | | | you carry around from the past will taint, sabotage |
| attractive features, and will attract a self-respecting | | | | or damage other relationships, unless you are able to: |
| partner. The converse is also, unfortunately, true. | | | | 1) learn from and heal the hurts from the past, |
| 2. No boundaries. | | | | (there ARE processes to heal the heart) and 2) |
| You have few, if any boundaries for your own or | | | | distinguish the past from the present. If you believe |
| your partner's behavior or status. Are you too | | | | that the past will repeat itself, for example, with |
| accepting of bad or disrespectful treatment for fear | | | | infidelity, (though of course, you hope it won't) you |
| he or she won't want to bother with you any longer? | | | | might, unconsciously, set up the conditions so it will |
| Are you or is this partner not really available to | | | | happen again. Remember that this partner is not the |
| commit to this relationship? Do you say yes when | | | | previous partner or other person in your life who hurt |
| you wish you could say no? | | | | you before. Don't blend your past and present |
| If the person you are involved with is still married, or | | | | experiences, like a ball of mixed up playdoh colors, |
| not fully divorced and healed, he or she is not really | | | | into one mishmash of hurt. |
| available to you. Open your eyes. If you don't want | | | | 6. Emotions run the show. |
| to waste a lot of your life in a relationship that is | | | | You have few useful relationship or communication |
| really going nowhere healthy, set a boundary that | | | | skills. When you are angry, upset or hurt, you blow |
| you will not get involved with someone unless he or | | | | up, blame, threaten and/or take no responsibility for |
| she is fully available, right now, and treats you | | | | your part in the problem. If every upset or argument |
| respectfully, consistently over time. Ditto for you. | | | | that you are involved in has the same pattern and |
| 3. Lack direction. | | | | upsetting outcome, in this and in previous/other |
| You don't know who you are or what is important to | | | | relationships, notice who is the common factor here. |
| you or where your life is headed. What are your | | | | It may feel like it's all the other person's fault, all the |
| values? What values do you want to share with your | | | | time. You may even be sure it's the other person's |
| life partner? What do you need to do, be and/or | | | | fault, but take the hint and work with a relationship |
| have in your future to be happy and satisfied? What | | | | coach to learn how to resolve upsets so you both |
| impact do you want to have in the world or in | | | | feel heard, validated and respected. Don't keep doing |
| someone's life? What emotional, physical and perhaps | | | | the same thing and expect a different result! |
| spiritual qualities and circumstances are of utmost | | | | Destination: Lasting Love: Get started on the path. |
| importance to you in a love relationship? Socrates | | | | Wanting a loving, secure relationship does not mean |
| said it best, "Know thyself". You are uniquely you; | | | | you are actually ready for one. To be truly ready and |
| Shine the light of self-knowledge on your | | | | available for a lasting, healthy relationships here are |
| requirements, needs, and wants, your life vision, | | | | some essential ingredients: |
| dreams and goals. You want a partner who will | | | | - Feeling good about your yourself and your life |
| support and help fulfill these for you. | | | | - Knowing who you are and what is important to you |
| 4. Trust and commitment are missing in action. | | | | in a relationship |
| Attraction is the first ten features you care about in | | | | - Having boundaries that, like mosquito repellant, |
| a partner. Attraction and chemistry are important | | | | repels unhealthy behaviors |
| ingredients in a love relationship. But over time, they | | | | - Work with a relationship coach to proactively build |
| are likely to fade. The intensity of attraction and | | | | self-love, and to learn the tangible steps towards a |
| chemistry are boosted by the hormone, dopamine, | | | | healthy, thriving relationship that is right for you both! |
| which, like adrenaline, energizes and makes a new | | | | |