| With special events like Valentine's Day coming and | | | | 8. What offended me? |
| going each year, I am reminded how difficult it can | | | | 9. What did I consider to be right and wrong, moral |
| be to retain your spirit of who you are when you're | | | | and immoral, ethical and unethical? |
| a Christian single. | | | | 10. What were my politics? |
| It just sometimes feels like it would be easier to | | | | 11. What were my dreams? |
| mold yourself into whatever your dating partners | | | | 12. What goals did I have? |
| want, and then you can get on with living happily | | | | 13. What about my family and the desire for more |
| ever after. | | | | kids? |
| Become what other people want you to be, date | | | | 14. What charities and causes did I support? |
| non Christians, etc. | | | | By defining what I wanted in another person, I was |
| I was recently reminded of this when I met up with | | | | first clarifying and refining my own self image and my |
| a friend for coffee. As energetic, bubby, positive, | | | | own spirit. |
| social, million-miles an hour type of Christian girl, she | | | | I developed a vision of my Christian singles partner, |
| was telling me about her newboyfriend. They had | | | | based on my own definition of what my spirit was |
| moved in together, he didn't like to socialize, he was | | | | (as opposed to the other way around). |
| quiet and reserved, and all they did was watch TV. | | | | I became more and more committed to sustaining |
| They didn't even put up a Christmas tree or lights | | | | my spirit while searching for a partner. As it turned |
| this past holiday season, because he thought it was | | | | out, when my spirit was challenged by some of the |
| all a waste of time. This from my friend who usually | | | | people I dated (if they weren't |
| wears a Santa hat for theentire month of December. | | | | Christian or if we clashed on any of the answers to |
| As we chatted, she kept justifying all of the things | | | | the questions above), I had the confidence and inner |
| that they obviously didn't have in common. I then | | | | conviction to politely say good-bye and move onto |
| noticed her usually dancing eyes had lost their shine. | | | | the next person. |
| How sad, I thought. Why had she given up on her | | | | It still took me a long time to find the right person |
| spirit? | | | | (or rather, she found me). I still had to suffer through |
| During my many years of single life, I attended a | | | | a few more Valentine's Days, which always reminded |
| workshop where one of the exercises was to write | | | | me of my singleness. Yet, I came to realize that it |
| done all of the things that we were looking for in a | | | | had never been more important to know what I |
| partner. But in order to do that,we first had to write | | | | stood for. |
| down all of the things that defined us as people. | | | | You too can do the same. Answer those questions |
| This prompted an amazing series of Soul searching | | | | above and understand what you stand for. |
| questions. | | | | Then you can continue your search for like-minded |
| 1. What did I believe in? | | | | people. The Internet and website personals speeds |
| 2. What role did God play in my life? | | | | that whole process up for you, letting you refine |
| 3. What were my values? | | | | your search by specific age ranges, kids or not, |
| 4. What was important to me? | | | | divorced or not, white, black, location, income level, |
| 5. On career, did I work to live, or live to work? | | | | career path, values, etc. |
| 6. What did I do for fun? | | | | Your spirit will truly sing when you start getting to |
| 7. What hobbies did I have? | | | | knowlike-minded people. |